We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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