so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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