Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
