i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize