..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
