And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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