Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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