I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
