A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
