the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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