hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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