Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
