I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
