do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize