i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
