My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
