I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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