you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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