i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
