Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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