please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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