Only a mothe r could love this liver
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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