Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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