so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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