hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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