Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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