i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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