no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
