I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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