Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
