Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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