I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
