Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
