The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
