I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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