Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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