Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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