there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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