Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
