when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
