Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
