grandma shit on top of the toilet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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