thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
