Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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