Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
