the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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