god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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