somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
