the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
