I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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