i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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