Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
