I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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