you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
