so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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