drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
