You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
