what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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