I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
