I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize