i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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