dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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