Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
