Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
