Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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